and some memories...12 years l8r
5 am biked home from the studio
and my back finally relaxing....
that first path, is never ending
so what is this all about... what a week, i was seized with the" i must paint my apartment now bug". Preparing for something, miss sissel bee???? Now, its a very pale pink and a little green...china town baroque.... road trip to a haunted quarry in Mass.... swimming there, photographing girls and flowers water and trees, reminded me so much of my California retreats, i threw my back out... no not by hot yoga, the other stuff , working hard hunched over in studio on some beautiful drawings... realized i was being cranky to a friend Ive known since 77, yup... it did not add up/ upon some introspection discovered that i never explained why i walked out of co-habititating in 1999. I was living out in Colorado where i first started painting "myself"or character in the woods. The landscape there can be other worldly and i was uber inspired. I left with" it is too cold and i need to get back to NYC", but there was Much MOre, it's a family affair, so to speak...A testament to how much one can grow once committed to it, but also better to clean under the rug. While painting i found a lot of things. A box of photographs fell on my head, open the box, out stretches time or something like Psychic phenomenon...spirits unleashed. healing the past. Enough on that. Norway incident reminded me of Raskolnikov in "Crime and Punishment", Rascal...just wrong. I saw my dear dear friend, Katie Galloway's film,"BETTER THIS WORLD" which also dealt with a disassociated narcissist who takes it upon himself to be a hero of sorts, alienating himself from his community/ identity..a so called activist becomes a fbi informer...identity issues, maybe? Extremes are suspect. One of my favorite quotes goes "Blasphemy is closer to faith than indifference."or maybe "Me thinks he protests too much"is more accurate. Mars out of bounds... Eros verses Agape....Anyway PLZ see the film at IFC aug 12-18... She is a great journalist, and the psychological perspective and documentation/ story is fascinating... The title itself speaks volumes regarding intention. Been listening a lot to "little Black Angel, Tears of the Hunted and some Grtful Dead, more things resurrected from the past, thanks to a generous inspiring friend. I grew up in Berkeley, there it was about good music more than "Im a hippy or goth or hip hop reggae, punk..." All good so long as the music is right, harmony of hearts, messages received... came out of Regan years so it was kinda simple, just remembering now, when mtv just came out and comparing that bounty to the abundance on youtube..We did not have cable....Soooooooo WHY ARE WE HERE? TO EVOLVE, TO GIVE, TO LOVE, TO REMEMBER. AW RIP, sorry you did not make it through, she'll go back to hers. Late July I have 2 major anniversaries of change/ steps to be more a part of life, THE CHAIN OF LIGHT, the Silsilla. Ya Hu! AL HAK!