AWE/mirror of heart

The cosmos plays us with illusion: it mirrors and inverts perception to draw us towards light, truth, unity... We want it, but first we must survive. We get the metaphor, just an old upside down one, then we sit on the record scratch and bump bump into illusion like big sweet babies. Inversion is a somewhat kinder road for the real to be revealed. Can we cultivate love and trust for our beloved nemesis/selves over the lash. What is it in the eye that reverses all things so carefully? Where the eye sees out, it looks in. Only through our receptiveness to what is, does the "mystery " vaporize. There is a Mystic's Awe that Multiplies. We were made from stars, and our potential is to be a vehicle for the cosmos, but most of us are hallucinating a lot of the time... We often wear our tomb stone around our neck like an albatross: Here lies [IWM]. Die before you die. Die to broken thoughts. Imagination brings us closer to and further from the real. Is it creative or is it separating. If i was that blind, how blind am i Now? Enter into some kind of communication with a larger reality. Drop some veils-(not all, please)- of the imagination. We are naked, together, slave and free, yet were afraid of XTC. Love is the intention behind the intention. "Stay the same. Change." Who's voice is that? Loosen the tourniquet on your heart. Do a head stand to see something different, be a fool and let the blood of the heart fill your head. Just don't be stupid. Time IS love and love is what is passing. Also will the music of this breath and heart beat. Make your house your home before you fly away.
( first entries are at the bottom- with a different format bc im not that technical!)


to be continued/ UNFINISHED BUSINESS

A confession, 
and some memories...12 years l8r
5 am biked home from the studio
sliver moon
and my back finally relaxing....
that which is crawling
out any window any morning
weave day into night into day
a dream we dream one afternoon
friend, sk
feel your way through
remember when.................. as old as the hills, the everlasting hills
a long history, and where it all began, SIL SIL
felt like summer rain
shed our skin, and
be born again
that first path, is never ending
he polished the blade...
  this rad psychadellic painting .of a carpet ride/ web of life.. dna detunh eht fo sraet.........rof u knaht HF
wo to the vanquished ( haaapbh haaapbh blaaah blaaah pbh pbhblaaah, clear the air)
flowers will blossom
again and again and again and again...............................
all the honey bees 8 1
to fill the air..... U KNOW THAT QUARRY IS HAUNTED...
shed a skin and be born again
and fall like summer rain, ok
cycles and cycles when the spirit captures you to return, chapters
eve, sk
so what is this all about... what a week, i was seized with the" i must paint my apartment now bug". Preparing for something, miss sissel bee????   Now, its a very pale pink and a little green...china town baroque.... road trip to a haunted quarry in Mass.... swimming there, photographing girls and flowers water and trees, reminded me so much of my California retreats, i threw my back out... no not by hot yoga, the other stuff , working hard hunched over in studio on some beautiful drawings... realized i was being cranky to a friend Ive known since 77, yup... it did not add up/ upon some introspection discovered that i never explained why i walked out of co-habititating  in 1999.  I was living out in Colorado where i first started painting "myself"or character in the woods. The landscape there can be other worldly and i was uber inspired.  I left with" it is too cold and i need to get back to NYC", but there was Much MOre,  it's a family affair, so to speak...A testament to how much one can grow once committed to it, but also better to clean under the rug.  While painting i found a lot of things. A box of photographs fell on my head, open the box, out stretches time or something like Psychic phenomenon...spirits unleashed.  healing the past.  Enough on that.  Norway incident reminded me of Raskolnikov in "Crime and Punishment", Rascal...just wrong.  I saw my dear dear friend, Katie Galloway's film,"BETTER THIS WORLD" which also dealt with a disassociated narcissist who takes it upon himself to be a hero of sorts, alienating himself from his community/ identity..a so called activist becomes a fbi informer...identity issues, maybe? Extremes are suspect. One of my favorite quotes goes   "Blasphemy is closer to faith than indifference."or maybe "Me thinks he protests too much"is more accurate.  Mars out of bounds...  Eros verses Agape....Anyway PLZ see the film at IFC aug 12-18... She is a great journalist, and the psychological perspective and documentation/ story is fascinating... The title itself speaks volumes regarding intention. Been listening a lot to "little Black Angel, Tears of the Hunted and some Grtful Dead, more things resurrected from the past, thanks to a generous inspiring friend.  I grew up in Berkeley, there it was about good music more than "Im a hippy or goth or hip hop  reggae, punk..."  All good so long as the music is right,  harmony of hearts, messages received... came out of Regan years so it was kinda simple, just remembering now, when mtv just came out and comparing that bounty to the abundance on youtube..We did not have cable....Soooooooo WHY ARE WE HERE? TO EVOLVE, TO GIVE, TO LOVE, TO REMEMBER.   AW RIP, sorry you did not make it through, she'll go back to hers. Late July I have 2 major anniversaries of change/ steps to be more a part of life, THE CHAIN OF LIGHT, the Silsilla.  Ya Hu! AL HAK!



Fasting from speech is good.  There are many ways to fast.  Thoughts are food, people are food ( i eat cannibal), patterns are food.  This eclipse season was intense transits.  A lot of information was revealed... not always nice, but rather searing reality... YAY...I have come to understand that all is temporary, but when you are in it, it can feel like it is never going to end- or if its good you don't want it to, but all things progress.  Endings can be progress.  Two years ago, the eclipses were termed " the summer of death".  A lot of famous icons passed on.  This year people were for the most part losing their heads,  which isn't always a bad thing either. Tho i bore witness to a girl trying to jump off a building outside my house, that's not what i mean ( they saved her).  So now she can start again.  I was re-visited by ghosts of the past in a clownish gesture or two.  Both gestures touched on my "worst nightmares".  I survived, and in truth, both gave me a get out of jail free card . Double knock out Haha, " I see your true colors that's why I LOVE you".  Good to let things finish.  New chapters.  I knew it was coming, as both incidents were released Hot Potatoes in August and October '10, and yea i'm into astrology it told me so.  NO I don't read horoscope, i watch energies.  Funny, but you never know how perfectly things work out.  The Universe is so Awe inspiring, Spellbinding in  its perfection, especially if you stand up for what you believe in.  So now what, after shedding some old skins who will be the new you?  What you gunna eat?  Do what you love first.  I painted a lot and re organized my house, much more to do, but its a good way to process visions. Not enough yoga of late, but balance is essential.  Dreams of riding a small tortoise shell up a hill slowly, guided by a invisible being.....and dreamed that once i shut the door of the past on of those two blessed teachers returned a beautiful bag of jewels to me they had been holding.  Thanks. I needed that, did not know i gave it to you.  Back to the losing of heads: You are driving, there is a sign that says ''loose your mind'', and some get bonkers and others brace themselves just shed a layer or two.  It always feels like XTC to be a bit lighter, and free of what we don't need, and if it is something you love, then you are, as you have always been, bound since pre eternity.


tree house ( madonna of oak)
honey suckle
 to the light house
someone likes you


in the eve
  comes a picnic 
or a fire tornado 2 clean your clock
like Joseph and Zuleikha
All for the living one, Halwa
mandala taxi 

here you go
castle vault
......ROLL W IT

hi, hi, hu

alert alert awake awake