SIZZLE ME SISSEL KARDEL: the dust of the way

Wandering holograms

Visions from this life or another reflect distort and invert perception. We may want freedom from the known but to fathom freedom is begin to remember. To remember is to grieve, then maybe see.

An exquisite corpse of impressions course through our lives, an art work entity, a ghost in the machine, driving the machine, relatively polite until analyzed. We set up shop in the impression careening into the same pattern.

To evolve is an option. As the tree is bent, so grows the branch. What glories come with pruning. A contortion becoming.

You, the one who has contemplated loss are easy to sit with. Integrated insight is exquisite life. To trust, we must become trustworthy. The inside eye reverses carefully. Where the eye sees out, it looks in.

Like an allergy, we crave what is inside of us. Crave it like a poison puzzle. Wanting to solve and expel. Everything with in us that we do not love will become an enemy to us. A loss in translation can become a shared psychosis, activating. Enactments repeat multi-generationally. Be still, slow down, nothing is real, but everything is potentially more than this.

We long to return to the garden. Where everything was magical and treacherous. To be small and dependent. How many generations of brokenness does there have to be before you ask for help with tenderness. Real adult life can be a garden that you may walk into or away from, a place of freedom, fruitful, loving. The tether pull is an old devotion that keeps us children - basked and suspended in the afterglow of melancholy. Convincing others is a reversed devotion - to ward off deep untold grief, and very oral. All themes are mutations of the same thing, until we give up the ghost. The content is old. Developmentally delayed devotions. To no longer seek paradise past, is to become paradise present. We, guilty, wear our tomb stone around our neck: "Here lies my expectation (see I was right)". Eternally repairing and repeating heartache until death. My expectation dovetails with yours so fluidly, dangerously. WHY do you think it's so exciting to meet and greet another solitude? It's not to become a martyr, but to join and transcend.

If you can partner w a friend on this road, Where you stumble, you will find your treasure.

People aren't motivated to grow w/o the growing pains in love. Confusing love with pain conflates this. Die before you die is to die to the obsession of mastering the past (all by yourself). Remember you are half-blind.

Once blinded, know you will be blind again. In order to trust, become trustworthy. Love is the intention behind the intention. Voices from the museum, recite the script. The readymade knows how to make the neptunian mirage beautiful as it hurts. Surrender, and give yourself thee love you need. The pain to receive, is to grieve, but you must. What you grieve is beyond the content. It is being bound in a body which denies.

We all hide behind something, no matter how noble. The veils and blocks are there for a reason, they don't need to be ripped off- rather dissolved. If not, they will come back or be passed on. The unworked past pushes into the present. Do you really want to be alone inside? Die before you die. Imagine. If cultivating love is the only path to enlightenment, then how many of us are lost. Love is the ultimate loss of control. None of us want to be bound, and yet.... so so bound. Listen. Loosen the tourniquet on your heart. Suck the air of XTC. Be still. Do a headstand, like the fool lets the blood of the heart fill the head. Time IS love and love is what is passing. Everything is passing. Take care of yourself. Make your house you're home before you fly away.

CLICK ON EACH BLOG ARCHIVE in the cue, as it will otherwise stop short.

i.e, 2020C'EST COMME CA, The Canyon, Green Waves and a Dot, Space, Nest...

FOR ONLY ART GO TO
ART BLOG: SISSEL KARDEL ART, ILLUSTRATION
http://sisselkardelart.blogspot.com/2012/04/painting.html

2.20.2012

the dust of the way

Good bye to the shake of the dogs.......Still finding myself in California by a series of unexpected events arriving in the place of open space, letting go and finding gratitude to whatever is here, and why ever i am here. Well thats a question!!! This golden land feels like a quick sand... A lovely one, maybe this is why i dreamed David Bowie winked at me last night. I have given up trying to figure out why I am still here before another event happens, one just builds on the last. I left NYC mid december for the holidays returning to loved ones and intent upon a passage to india for a Very important and beautiful wedding. It has been a long good bye, a beautiful reconciliation of past and future. Attending to each moment, the only option. I received a pewter box on my birthday from my grandmother which read " tutto e possible" Quite a message, as she died that day. She is the second of my grandmothers to pass on my birthday. The women in my lineage have much to learn from eachother, and i see it as an emblem of that tie. Anyway, the funeral/ her passing kept me from going to the wedding/India, and i stayed on. Mid January to Feb has been a roller coaster of day to day grown up significant adjustments/ markers of change progress, acceptance, a broken arm, an agreement, a bridge, an introduction, windows into the past observing myself as a child, reconciling effects of the 4th commandment, time w a sick friend, children, my own creativity, health and acting as a "midwife" to a beloved dying dog. The dog, Juliette was just as much the Wali, companion, escort to me as i was to her. Why is it that we bond to dearly to some animals? Her passing flushed more tears from my face: the source of the hidden waterfall, or longest river!!!! T.S. Eliot said: What we call the beginning is often the end, and to make an end is to make a beginning. I asked her a few times before she left to please come again. If not its all perfect because we were there for each other, as we are all here for each other in different forms and at different times; one steps in when another steps out. So, I am still here preparing for a small surgery, one necessary but mild, another hook to keep me here a little longer with dear ones and to keep meditating on the goodness here. I can ask why but i know the moment I think I have it answered it morphs into another and another. Hoping that will resolve the issue. I miss you New York, and I'll be back as soon as I am free, called by the grains of golden sand for now. Wait for the early owl, if you do not come too close, if you do not come too close.